So today I was reading a fantasy romance novel (pretty sure it’s billed as a romantasy but y’know, that genre has one meaning for me and this isn’t it? but that’s a different topic). The POV character has been experiencing attraction (for the first time, I think?—she’s had a lot of trauma in her century of life so she hasn’t wanted to get attached to people) to one male character. Now she’s experiencing attraction to a second one, is equally confused by it, and I see a love triangle forming.
The love triangle is often the basis of relationship conflict in genre romance books. I kind of hate it.
But today I realized WHY I don’t like the typical framing of it, and why my brain is almost always like “why not both?” as a solution.
I’m demisexual. For me, physical attraction is intrinsically linked to an emotional attraction/attachment. So when I see this instantaneous attraction, in the back of my brain, I assume there must also be a huge emotional thing going on. I don’t think of physical first, then emotional.
And if someone is physically attracted to multiple people, they must also be experiencing an emotional pull, right? Which means the simplest way to resolve it is to entangle further with everyone. Because I love emotional entanglements.
Of course, this isn’t how the writers are usually thinking (I can’t say for sure on this book—I’m only 60% in and just found the second person she’s attracted to). A more typical love triangle starts with physicality in multiple directions, but resolves into it only being emotional in one.
My brain continues to insist that emotions come first.
And I’m really not opposed to the concept of polyamory. Communication and trust and building a community of solid love and affection? I mean. How awesome is that idea?
But hey, at least I know now why I feel like the insta-attraction of a typical love triangle feels so weird to me.
Nothing like being in my 50s and still untangling my psychological issues around words for certain kinds of sexuality not existing while I was a teen.
Also see: why I write the books I needed when I was growing up.